why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
