I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
