Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
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