I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
