Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I need a beard to bite.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
