The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
