Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize