Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
