I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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