Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
