No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
