how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
