I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
