My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
