And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
