I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
