And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
