found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
