Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
