id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
