woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
