the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
