if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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