it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
