like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just gargled with NyQuil
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
