i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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