I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
