My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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