I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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