real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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