I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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