oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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