You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
