she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
