He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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