Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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