I'm eating all of the evidence.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
