it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
