Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
