whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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