my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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