You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
