Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
