____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Your cock deserves a montage
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
