Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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