You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
