If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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