we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
