my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
