I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You are a genius and a whore.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
