Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
