Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
