I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
