i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
