It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
