I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
