Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize