hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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