We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize