I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
