Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
