Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
