Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
