Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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