You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
