Non-Jews are for practice
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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