yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
